同じ価値観が良い？
「結婚する人は価値観の合う人が良い」この言葉は良く耳にするフレーズですね。
人は知らず知らずの内に人の選別をしています。これは、白人、黒人、黄色人種と言う人種の選別ではありません。同じ日本人同士で、同じ世代間でも心に潜む同類意識と非同類意識が有るようです。自分と近しい人間を友達に選んだり、反対に自分と感じが違う人間とは距離を置いて、出来るだけ関係を持たないようにする傾向があります。これは、他人であれば放置していれば良いのですが、同類か非同類か、はたまたニュートラルか何れかに選別しないと気が収まらないと言った感じです。
社会に出ると関係性がもっと複雑になって、利権が絡んだり、政治性を帯びたりその関係は、純粋性が希薄になって来ますが、学校やコミュニティーでは顕著です。ですので、自分の結婚となると俄然その選別意識が強くなって、出来るだけ自分と価値観の合う人と一緒になりたいと思うようになります。
では、価値観とは一体何でしょうか？ ファッションセンスが似ていることや、笑いのツボが一緒だったり、これは良く聞きますね。趣味が同じだったり、映画や音楽の好みの傾向が似ている、とかこんな感じでしょうか。そんな人と一緒に居ると、これは楽しいでしょうね。何をするのでも一緒、同じ楽しさを共有して、苦しみや辛さを分かち合う。お互いがかけがいの無い伴侶となり、楽しい人生が送れそうですね。しかし、こんな人生も有るのです。
ある友人は、全く価値観の違う人と結婚しましたので、最初のうちは考え方が合わず喧嘩も絶えませんでした。それこそ毎日の様に激しい口喧嘩をしていました。でも気づいたら十年があっと言う間に過ぎてしまって、夫婦なんて色んな形が有るのだな、と思うようになりました。
とにかく一緒に居て、相手が気掛かりなので、詰まらないとか退屈と言ったことがまるで感じられないのです。
炊事、洗濯、掃除、買い出し、大工仕事等、家の仕事は色々有りますが、自分の汚れ物の洗濯、大工仕事、炊事の一部分を彼が、あと買い出しは二人でやるようになりました。
彼も初めは何も出来ませんでしたが、今は何でも出来るようになりました。相手が出来ないことを自分がやっている内に、身体に筋肉が付くように腕に自慢が増え、気が付くと二十年があっと言う間に過ぎまていました。近頃は「こんな人生でも有りかな」と思えるようになったと語っていました。
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